Can I get a YES YES and an Oh No!
Especially for $0.49, which is less than a stale gas station hot dog and only slightly more dangerous.
This game… It’s way, way better than I thought and I thought it was going to be hot trash in a shoebox.
The soundtrack?
If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to be hunted by aggressively repetitive Russian house music while being slapped in the face with a wet fish, then this is your moment. I swear a sick alley cat coughing into a vodka bottle and it still had more rhythm than some of the beat's
And yet…
you will bob.
You will weave.
You will ascend.
It's like your spine starts breakdancing without your permission. Or like schizophrenic side of you is trying to play tag. But you're just not having it today.
The Graphics?Imagine if the early '90s had a garage sale and forgot to lock the basement. And then you found a stack of. Old ET games from Atari sitting next to this game.
The game...It’s got that “made this in a radioactive toaster” aesthetic.
This game engine runs like a dying goat on rollerblades — slow, loud, but God help me, it gets there. Eventually.
Gameplay?
You move. You vibe. You question your life.You become Dr. Livesey.You become the walk.
I saw my own reflection mid-game. It winked at me.I’m pretty sure I lost custody of my soul to this thing.
This ain’t just a game. This is a spiritual trial.A journey through time, space, and the part of your brain that only activates when you smell burnt toast and hear bass that sounds like it was composed by a microwave in heat.You’ve got five minutes to kill before your Hot Pocket’s done? Perfect.
This is the kind of headache you want to have.It’s like drinking expired cough syrup and fist-fighting your childhood trauma… but, like, in a fun way.
But for $0.49, you too can experience what it’s like to be locked in a Russian nightclub bathroom at 3AM with nothing but a brick of expired LSD and a Game Boy running on rage.
If Picasso made a fever dream out of tech glitches and post-Soviet cartoon logic, this would be it.
I didn’t play this game. It played me.it played me and then It pulled me in,and used me like my ex-girlfriend, then kicked me out in front of a Taco Bell $0.49 poorer and forever changed.
Buy it. Gift it. Curse your friends with it.
This game is good and bad at the same time.
Can I get a YES! YES! Oh No!
10/10

THE ONE PIECE IS REAL!!!

Drink XXX Booze



Shoot Pirates