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I'm not sure you can.
From what I know, you can only become your children once your main character dies.
Your main char can die from old age - or from battle if you have it enabled.
I had to Dismiss from Clan and pick him up again. Cost me 2k dinars D:
Normally your companions, when a mission is complete, return to your party after about 2-3 days. If you lost them during a battle if you got held captive, they'll go to the Inn of the closest City or player owned Keep that the battle was fought near.
Go to your clan page and click on his name and it should bring up the encyclopedia. See where it says "Last seen at: X"
Otherwise, it sounds like a bug. :(