Have you ever played Team Fortress 2? Have you ever thought to yourself, "This is great, but how can I make this the least fun possible for the enemy team?"? Have you ever seen an elderly person and felt the overwhelming desire to trip them? If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, Then this is the guide for you!

In order to start your new found profession of fun policing, we must first learn about our arsenal and tools.


For your primary weapon, you're going to want to equip The No-Fun Gun. If you don't have this item, don't worry, for it's just a reskin of the Natascha.

As you know, the Natascha will apply a slowness effect to whoever it hits, similarly to the chaingun in the classic Doom games. However, your bullets will do 25% less damage. This damage penalty will only really be apparent when you're trying to out damage another Heavy using any other minigun one on one. A lesser talked about stat is the fact that you will get a 20% damage resistance when your own health is below 50%, while also being spun up.


For your secondary, you may use anything you like. If you want to bring the lack of fun to your own teammates, as well as saying to your friendly Medics, "Hey, I don't care about you.", then equip any shotgun. If you really want to hammer the point home that you could care less about the Medic, equip the Dalokohs Bar, and only ever eat it in the presence of Medics.


For your melee, equip anything you have EXCEPT FOR THE HOLIDAY PUNCH. You may be wondering, "Why not the Holiday Punch? It stuns people on crit or hits from behind by making them laugh.". The answer: Laughing is fun. We do not allow fun.

Cosmetics

For your cosmetics, make sure you wear a sunglasses item. Your sick shades will tell anyone who sees you that you're a stone cold bad ass, and that you most likely will use offensive language with the defense of "its just words bro."

As the newest member on the fun police force, the Natascha will be your main utility. You may need to adjust your playstyle to succeed, so bare with me.

Dealing with enemies

Scout

SHOOT ON SIGHT. Drop everything you are doing and relentlessly target any and all Scouts. They want to have fun by moving around fast. As a Heavy who is the slowest class, and even slower when spun up, you must take out your anger over this on them.



Shoot.

RUN.

Pyro

Shoot.


Shoot.


If you are already revved up before an enemy Heavy, you will have a good chance of winning that fight. Only worry about Heavies if they have a Medic on them.


Shoot.


Shoot.


If you're close enough, Shoot. If not, stay out of sight lines.


Make sure to check behind you. Outside of that, Shoot.

Congratulations, you've officially graduated the fun police training academy. Not only did you learn how to deal with fun lovers in the video game, but all of these tactics are fully applicable to real life United States police force.

And remember kids, don't run with scissors.