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I yelled out to my friend Billy who was playing "Doki Doki Sisters" in the other room. He came into the room to see what was wrong. He said SHAZAM one time and magic lightning instantly arced from the sky and imbued him with magical super powers.
With the magical powers the lightning granted him he had no trouble subduing my computer. He contained it in my Yeti Tundra Haul ® Wheeled Cooler.
Lesson learned!