Want to rank up but don’t have the aim, reflexes, or sanity to actually improve? Don’t worry, I got you. This guide will teach you the real CS2 strats that the pros don’t talk about. Forget crosshair placement, forget utility usage—this is how you actually win games.

1️⃣ Rule #1: Blame Your Teammates
No matter what happens, it’s never your fault. Missed an easy shot? Lag. Lost a clutch? Team didn’t call. Got knifed in spawn? Bad comms. The key to success is making sure your teammates think you’re not the problem.

2️⃣ Rule #2: Always Buy a Negev
Economy? Strategy? Forget that. The Negev is the only gun that matters. 500 bullets per second, suppressing fire, and the ability to make anyone question their audio settings. If you’re not rushing B with a Negev, are you even playing CS2?

3️⃣ Rule #3: Throw a Flashbang, Then Peek Anyway
Did you blind your entire team? Probably. But confidence is key—always peek no matter what. Bonus points if you flash yourself and still take the duel. True skill.

4️⃣ Rule #4: Knife Fights Are Sacred
If an enemy pulls out their knife, you are honor-bound to accept the duel. Shooting them is a crime punishable by instant bad karma (and probably a kick from the server). May the best backstabber win.

5️⃣ Rule #5: Rush Mid Every Round Until It Works
Rushing mid is the ultimate test of endurance. It might not work the first time… or the second… or the third… but eventually, the enemy team will be so confused that it actually works. CS is a mental game.

6️⃣ Rule #6: Defuse With 0.1 Seconds Left for Maximum Drama
There’s no better way to assert dominance than waiting until the absolute last possible moment to defuse. The tension. The panic. The questioning of life choices. Beautiful.

7️⃣ Rule #7: Bind ‘E’ to Say ‘Rush B No Stop’
Communication is important. You don’t need callouts—you just need one command. Bonus points if you say it in a thick Russian accent for authenticity.

Winning Is Overrated Anyway, I changed my own mind.