Located just to the west of central Vrsar in Z0, Hotel Marina, SCUM Islands newest hotel, is within walking distance of several garages, a convenience store, a pharmacy, a workshop, and numerous abandoned houses, villas, and restaurants. This hotel features a variety of rooms in various states of decomposition and an abandoned rooftop terrace that offers stunning views of the islands southeastern waterfront.

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Although the hotel has definitely seen better days, it offers a certain charm that post-apocalyptic enthusiasts will enjoy including delicious meals of partially rotted cauliflower, an occasional skunky beer, and miscellaneous decaying fruit while enjoying the devastated and abandoned rooftop terrace. Its out-of-service elevators offer every visitor the chance to increase their CON and STR while moving their loot to their room while simultaneously offering unaware guests the perfect opportunity for fall damage from upper floors. The beach is gorgeous but definitely not recommended for unarmed children by this reviewer due to dangerous sharks circling just offshore and grumpy lifeguards that attack guests on sight.

Unfortunately, the valet staff are quite rude and tend to attack vehicles and guests without warning; moreover, there have been reports of vehicles being stolen from the parking area by unknown parties on the island. It is strongly advised to lock your vehicle and to use the overflow lot to the north (in the bushes on the hill near the power line) for your parking needs.

The hotel concierge appeared to be on vacation, replaced by a skinny young woman in oranges that was in need of a serious attitude adjustment when I arrived and complained about the jammed bathroom door in my room (302). Once she was dispatched the remainder of my arrival went relatively smoothly.

Room amenities vary; I was given an ocean view single with a filthy mattress that lacked a bed frame – in fact, all of the furniture and amenities in the room were either missing or damaged. As stated on the hotel website, bringing your own bedroll is recommended along with a light source and a suite of weapons to deal with the unruly staff. Be aware that blood on floors may be fresh; disposable footwear is a must. Bathrooms and hallways may lack floors, so look before you wander off to poop.

Entertainment options are limited to interactions with the staff and town residents, perhaps a transient visitor or two; however, these individuals will leave you with an impression of the hotel and town that will not soon be forgotten! For those arriving by boat the marina is just a short walk away through the village. Fuel is available at horrendous cost at the marina petrol station.

I was pleasantly surprised that the hotel description matched what was stated on their website by the way.

Final grade: Definitely 5/5 bullets! Highly recommended!

Sarah